i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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