I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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