My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
