I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
