Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
