Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drunk is not a location!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
