im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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