operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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