She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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