the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
