Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
