I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
