fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
