I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize
