i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
