the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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