I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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