Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
