someone threw a dead crab at me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
