Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize