Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
