I cockslap morals
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize