even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
