hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just pynch a tree in the face
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
