Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
