Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
