i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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