i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
