Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
