I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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