i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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