I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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