Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
