I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
