So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
