Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
