dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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