this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
