if only i could text you this smell
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
