Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
