My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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