WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
