Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
