I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
