I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
