When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think people are normalizing furries
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize