i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
