Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I smell stomach acid.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
