just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
