We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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